AUTHOR: Marta Fernandez
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Angel and crew belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. No infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and I do not intend to profit by it.
PREFACE: This story takes place in my own Universe where the gypsies never caught or cursed Angelus. He was never Angel, and was not in Sunnydale when Buffy Summers arrived. Everything that has happened in all eps. Up to Season 3, except for any Angel stories, has happened in my Universe. Oz and Willow are together. Xander and Cordelia are not together but have a temporary truce. Wesley is here, but will only be mentioned. Faith also exists but will only have minor parts. This story was inspired by a thought I had while watching "Enemies", what if Angelus existed first for Buffy then he got his soul back (by Jenny (yes she's alive), Giles, Amy and Willow) and became Angel.
This is meant to be a saga and will have many chapters. I am a B/A fan and eventually we'll see these two get together.
читать дальшеPart 9
One month later
Buffy stood outside the Bronze looking in through the window, she spotted Willow up by the band talking to Oz. Xander was on the dance floor doing his usual geek dance with, 'surprise, surprise', Cordelia. Cordelia was acting like she was trying to get away but Buffy noticed that she was trying not to laugh at Xander's antics. Besides if she really wanted to get away she could, just like if she really wanted to leave Sunnydale she would have left after Graduation, but lo and behold, Cordelia Chase was still in Sunnydale and dancing with Xander Harris. And people thought she was the screwed up one!
Willow had talked Buffy into coming out tonight. Usually, after patrol she just went home and phoned in her report to Giles. She was getting into her slaying more than ever these days, sometimes that scared her. Lately, after a particularly vicious kill she felt energized like she could take on a dozen more then climb Mt. Everest. She wondered if that was how Faith had felt, invincible, totally in tune with her own body and the forces of nature around her.
She knew all this dedication was starting to concern her friends especially since she didn't talk about it with them, she felt like they wouldn't understand. How could they understand the satisfaction of the kill? No normal human would ever understand. Not that she was becoming Psycho Girl or anything, or at least she hoped she wasn't.
She had phoned in her report to Giles earlier, her watcher asked her all the right questions but she could tell he was distracted. Buffy knew that Giles was taking care of Angel. He would drill the vampire for hours every night on every little vampire mythos. He had also helped the vampire settle into his new lair, though he wouldn't tell anyone where it was, he decided that Angel was to be used for information only. He wasn't sure what the heat of battle would bring out in Angel. Between training Buffy everyday and gathering information with Angel every night her watcher was exhausted.
Buffy had offered to research with Angel in his stead, but he firmly rejected the idea. He felt it was best if Angel had no contact with her or any of the others. Buffy knew despite himself Giles was impressed with Angel, he would start at least 5 statements a day with 'Angel said....'. Nothing excited Giles more than an untapped wealth of demon knowledge. Nothing but Jenny that is.
Buffy had filed away her bizarre reaction to Angel way back in the part of her brain marked "Don't ever go there! Ever!". She hadn't seen him in a month and had no desire to, whatever those strange feelings were they were totally gone now. She didn't hate the vampire, Giles had told her of the torment he was suffering, but she didn't want to be all chummy with him either.
She sighed and went to walk into the Bronze, then stopped. She really didn't want to go in there. She looked again at Willow and Oz kissing and Xander, Amy and Cordelia sitting at a table talking, she felt so much older than them. They had such normal lives, well semi-normal anyway, she sometimes envied them so much!
Buffy wondered where all these gloomy thoughts and feelings were coming from. She had come to terms with her destiny a long time age. She didn't want to be anything but the Slayer. So why did she suddenly feel like something was missing? Why did watching her friends be normal, hormonal teens depress her? She wearily shook head and began walking away from the Bronze.
"Star light, Star bright, grant the wish I wish tonight.... I wish I may, I wish with might...grant the wish I wish tonight." Buffy looked up at the sky while she chanted the old rhyme she barely remembered from her childhood. She didn't know what possessed her do that. She had decided to cut through the park on her way home, she had sat down on the merry-go-round and was looking up the sky when she spotted the brightest star in the sky. The rhyme had popped out of her mouth before she even finished the thought to say it out loud. She didn't have an actual wish though; she finished the rhyme and stayed staring at the star.
'What do I want? What do I want with all my heart?' Buffy couldn't see deep inside herself enough to answer that question. She let out a breath and looked down. She stood up to go home.
(THE STAR ABOVE BUFFY'S HEAD SUDDENLY GLOWED INTENSLY THEN WENT DARK, ONCE A WISH WAS GRANTED THE STAR BURNT OUT.)
"Who's there? I'm not in the mood to play games, or actually I am." Buffy sensed the vampire but had yet to pinpoint its exact location.
"It's only me." Angel walked out of the shadows hesitantly; he was on his way back from the museum when he spotted Buffy. He knew he should've kept on going, but he had stopped to watch her for awhile. Now it was too late to run, she had sensed him. He was almost positive she wouldn't hurt him, he was an ally now. He hoped his reasoning proved true.
"Me? Who's me? Oh...Angel, what are you doing out?" Buffy was startled to see Angel, but then her voice grew suspicious.
"Giles tells me you don't leave your place after midnight. Was he wrong?"
"Things ran late at the museum tonight, I'm on my way back home now." Angel answered defensively. She had no right to interrogate him! He wasn't doing anything wrong!
"Should I be jealous or just shocked, you and Giles seem pretty tight these days. You get more quality time with him than I do." Buffy knew she was being petty but Giles was like a father to her, she lost one dad she hated to share Giles.
"I'm going to pretend that I don't know what your insinuating, but if my working with Giles bothers you that much than maybe you should mention it to him." Angel moved to walk past her.
"Oh, you know perfectly well what I'm insinuating! I caught your act with Darla and the poor kid she brought back to the mansion a few months ago. Is that the way you like it?!" Buffy was shocked at herself, she knew she was in a strange mood but this was definitely a darker side of herself. She didn't like it. She wished she could make it go away, but this side had been growing in her for weeks now.
Angel stopped in his tracks, images of Darla and a blonde boy flashed through his head. He knew now what Buffy suspected him of. The demon was into all kinds of things, but not boys. Angel wasn't either. A part of Angel wanted to laugh at Buffy's naivete, she never even suspected a man and a women might want to do it that way. He knew if he laughed, she would kill him. But he was angry, angry at Darla, angry at fate angry at the superior little girl who wanted to rub his nose in his fate. All because she was jealous of her watcher! Angel was suddenly angry that she even had feelings for her watcher.
"Well Buffy, that's only one way I like it. But why talk about my likes, when I could show you."
Buffy tensed when he started to speak, he sounded so much like Angelus! But when she looked in his eyes, she knew she was dealing with Angel. She saw him coming for her, but she was rooted to the spot. That part of her that she had been trying to tamp down sprung to life.
Angel reached Buffy and was surprised that she didn't whip out a stake and kill him. Instead she was standing there watching him with...lust? Was it lust that he was seeing? He suddenly didn't care, all he cared about was touching this blonde girl with big blue eyes and a tiny, perfect body.
Angel wrapped an arm about her waist and lifted her lips level with his, he glanced in her eyes once more to make sure she was willing. She was. He brought his head down and kissed her like a starving man. 'She tasted so good!'. That was Angel's last coherent thought.
Buffy couldn't believe that a vampire could actually kiss like this, his kiss worshiped her mouth, she never felt anything like it before. His tongue began sliding in and out of her mouth and she clutched his shoulders, she opened her mouth wider and began to involuntarily moan. She had to have him, she didn't care what he was, what she was, or the fact that they were in a public park.
Angel was so hard he was in physical pain, he couldn't remember ever being turned on this much with just a kiss. He trailed his hand down her throat and slid it over her right breast. He heard her moan louder as she pushed herself further into his hand. Buffy began to walk forward, Angel couldn't see where she was leading him, but if she chose to lead him to the entrance of hell, at this moment he would happily go. He felt the edge of the merry-go-round behind his knees and sat down; Buffy wasted no time in straddling him.
Angel's hand landed on her left thigh and began to slide upward under her skirt. Just as he reached her panties he glanced up at her and murmured, "OK?"
"Just do it." Buffy couldn't get enough of his touch; she didn't want his consideration just then.
Angel slid his finger under the edge of her panties and found her. She was so wet she soaked his entire hand. He had been with A LOT of women before, but no one had ever felt as good as Buffy did! She began to move her hips and moan into his mouth. He slid in another finger and began to rotate her clit with his thumb.
Buffy felt as thought something inside of her was getting wound tighter and tighter. She was almost afraid of the intense feelings she knew where about to explode. She was getting closer, her stomach and thighs tightened and her vaginal walls tightened around Angel's fingers.
**Oh, God...Oh, God. Don't let this ever stop...please..**
Suddenly the explosion came, her body starting to shake and she began clenching rhythmically around Angel's fingers.
Buffy leaned her forehead on Angel's neck for a minute, while she catched her breath.
"That was incredible! Where'd you learn to do that? Wait...don't answer that."
Angel couldn't help but smile, he knew he shouldn't be this content so soon after his change. By rights he should be spending every waking moment in torment. But he couldn't seem to call forth all his guilt at the moment. Buffy was one of those rare people whose presence alone brought happiness to those around her. He felt her lift herself up and thought she was getting off of him. He was wrong.
Buffy wasn't done yet. She wanted to know what all the girls whispered about in the girl's bathroom back High School. This could be her only chance and she wasn't going to walk away from it. She was destined to die young; she wasn't about to lose this opportunity. She began fumbling with Angel's belt buckle.
"Are you sure?" Angel didn't know if this was such a good idea. She had given him enough. "Stop being such a goody-goody. I'm eighteen years old! I'm sure, I'm positive, I'm 100%!"
"In that case." Angel brushed her hands away and undid his pants. He pushed them down to his knees and positioned her over him. He pushed up her short tank top and began sucking on her right tit. By her comments he assumed she'd done this before, so his hesitation vanished.
Buffy felt Angel lift her slightly and position her over his cock. She was pissed she hadn't gotten a good look at it. He slid his fingers through her lower lips and opened her up to his invasion. She felt the head of cock start to enter her and panicked slightly.
**He's too big, this is never going to work!**
"Uh...Angel...stop a minute..." Buffy pulled his head away from her breast. "There's something you should know..."
"Stop? No, way sweetheart. You wanted it fast, I live to please." Angel thought she was playing some sort of game, he wasn't in the mood for games. He grabbed her hips and brought her down hard while thrusting his hips up. Buffy screamed. Too late Angel felt himself tearing through the membrane that was her virginity!
Buffy couldn't believe how much it hurt. Sure she was the slayer but she still felt pain. She felt as though she was impaled on a cold sword. Tears came to her eyes and she buried her face in his shoulder. She wanted to go home now! She had enough; she just wanted this to be over. She tried to get off his lap.
Angel felt tears on his shoulder and mentally cursed himself. He should've known, he was 245 years old, he should've sensed she was a virgin! But, she didn't say anything dammit! She came onto him! She acted like she knew what she wanted, how could he be so blind! He was angry at both himself and Buffy. He had enough guilt to deal with, how dare she give him more. He felt her start to move and knew she was trying to leave. He couldn't let her first time end like this.
"Just give it minute, it won't hurt so much if you stay still." Angel hoped she didn't put up a fight.
"Are you sure? This really hurts, why does anybody do this?"
Angel put his hand under her chin and forced her head up he looked into her big, tear-stained eyes and felt a gentleness spread through area where once his human heart used to beat. He kissed her eyes, then her cheeks, his lips moved to hers and he kissed her softly.
"Maybe I can change your opinion. What do you say, let me try?"
Buffy had never heard Angel's voice be so gentle before, it was low and incredibly sexy, she would let him do anything if he asked in that voice. She hesitantly nodded her head.
Angel smiled and began kissing her in earnest. He trailed his kissed down her throat to her nipple, as alternately sucked her nipples his hand made its way down to where they met. He found her clit and began to trace light circles around it, ever so often he would press down hard then go back to his light petting.
Buffy was once again dragged into the haziness of desire. Her body was on fire, she began tentatively to move her hips and was rewarded by a muffled groan from Angel. She felt Angel's hands move to her hips and he began moving her up and down on his cock. She clung to his shoulders and held on, that tight, intense feeling was building in her stomach again, but this time she welcomed it.
Angel couldn't believe how incredible she felt. She was so tight, wet and hot. Nothing had ever felt so good! He could feel her starting to build and knew he was close also, he began thrusting up into her while moving her up and down his body.
Buffy looked down at Angel. His head was thrown back and his eyes were closed. The expression on his face was one of extreme pleasure or pain. She wasn't sure which one. A sense of power stole through her, that she an eighteen year old schoolgirl could reduce a 245 demon to this! It was more satisfying than rush of satisfaction she got after a slaying. Her body exploded at that thought, then all coherent thoughts fled.
Angel was on edge, her orgasm was milking his body. The contractions of her vaginal walls around his cock were too much. He slammed her down one more time and came. Hard. He felt his face changing and cursed himself, but he couldn't stop the change.
Buffy looked down at the demon and mentally kicked herself.
**What the fuck have I done!**
She quickly got up and adjusted her clothes. When she turned back to Angel she was relieved to find that he had also fixed his clothes and his face was human again.
"Buffy don't run off, we should talk." Angel knew he had scared her and he didn't want her to associate fear with her first time. What the hell was he thinking anyway! He had just screwed an eighteen-year-old girl who happened to be the Slayer! He had almost convinced himself that he and his demon were two separate entities, now he had doubts. How much control did he really have over his evil self? Not much, the last hour proved that. Then another thought struck him, one scarier than the demon still having some control. What if the demon had nothing to do with this, what if this was his human side's doing? She was only eighteen and a virgin, he should know better.
"Talk? About what? I don't think there's anything to talk about...we met up briefly on our way home then went our separate ways. See, there's nothing to talk about. NOTHING!" She knew she was babbling but couldn't deal with him right now.
**What if he wants a relationship?** That thought turned her to ice. She couldn't bear looking up after making love and seeing a demon looming over her. She knew she wasn't being fair, but she was panicking.
"Oh...Ok...so that'd the way it's going to be?" Angel knew he shouldn't feel disappointed or angry. He should be relieved that she was going to pretend it never happened. But he could sense that she was ashamed of what she did, and it angered him. If he had been a normal guy, he knew she would be looking for a wedding dress right about now. But since he was a filthy, creature of the night, he was something to be ashamed of. He knew she had every reason to feel that way. But the part of him that remembered being human so well died a little more when it realized he wasn't fit to touch a human girl.
"Yeah, that's the way it has to be. You're not going to say anything are you? I mean to Giles?" Buffy had her back turned and missed the pain and anger that flashed across his face.
"No, I won't say anything. I'm not like your little human boys; I don't need to brag about it. Besides, it's not like I haven't been there before." Angel wanted to kick himself when she whirled around at his words pain briefly flared in her eyes, then they went blank. He didn't know where that last statement came from, but he hated himself for saying it.
"That's right, you're an old pro." Buffy stressed the word old. She turned away and began to walk home.
**This never happened, this never happened, this never happened..** She hoped that if she thought it enough it would come true.
Angel watched her go he never expected tonight to end up like this. He had to admit that if he had a chance to change things, he wouldn't. He thought about the tight feel of her and...he stopped his thoughts there. It was never going to happen again so why torture himself with the memories. But for a brief moment when Buffy was moving on top of him, he had felt alive, really alive and wanted. He didn't realize until tonight his desire to be loved and accepted. **Well, that will never happen with Buffy, she made her feelings perfectly clear.**
Angel sighed and turned to walk home. He remembered now what sunshine felt like, it would be a long time before he forgot again.
The museum 2 weeks later
Angel looked at the pile of books still on the table and sighed. When he had offered to help Giles file away some new books that had just been flown in from the council, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Case after case of books began to arrive and Giles gleefully handed them over to Angel. Angel first had to separate them by category then file them away in the appropriate spot.
It was mind numbing work but he didn't really mind. It gave him something to do every night. Giles still felt strongly about him not patrolling or helping with anything other than research. Angel tried to assure Giles that he would be Ok in a fight, but didn't push the issue. He owed Giles and he didn't want to disappoint him. If Giles ever found out about him and Buffy, he would lose his only friend.
Buffy. He tried not to think about the park a few weeks ago but his mind always seemed to stray to her. Even when he was successful in not thinking about her, she would appear in his dreams. He hadn't seen her since then; the only way he knew what was going on with her was through Giles. Giles couldn't help but to go on and on about Buffy, his pride in her was evident. He loved her like a daughter even though he tried to deny it. If he ever did run into her again he would make sure that nothing ever happened.
"I'm telling you Will, Tom and Jerry could kick Ren and Stimpy's ass any day! Those guys are like the biggest wimps ever."
Xander, Willow, Buffy and Giles all strode into the museum. Angel froze, Giles had been very careful to keep him separated from the group.
"Xander that's just moronic, Ren and Stimpy use advance animation graphics that would leave Tom and Jerry's head spinning...oh, Angel, hi!" Willow cut off her argument with Xander when she saw the handsome vampire standing there with a book in his hand.
"I see Giles decided to make a slave outta you! Better you than me buddy!" Xander playfully slapped Angel on the shoulder and sat down. He trusted Giles and if Giles said Angel was OK, then he was OK with Angel. For now anyway.
Buffy froze, she figured Angel would be here but she thought she could keep her cool. At least she hoped she could, since the night in the park she had been plagued with very erotic dreams. She both hated and loved going to sleep at night.
"Angel I hope you don't mind the disturbance we have a situation and needed a safe place to discuss our course of action." Giles looked at the book in Angel's hand "Blood Rituals", he noticed Angel putting it in a pile marked "Wicca".
"Shouldn't that go into your vampire category?"
"No, this book details the wicca's belief that their powers can be made stronger during their menstrual cycle."
"Yes, well...ah back to the matter at hand. Angel you're welcome to stay." Giles was extremely uncomfortable with Angel's explanation, he wondered how the vampire stayed so cool, nothing ever seemed to phase him.
"Will." Xander looked over at his best bud. "Never tell me."
Willow blushed a deep red. Buffy couldn't help but smile at her best friend's exchange.
"This Lucius, do you really think he has the arm? It wouldn't be the first time we got faulty info, are you sure you're source was right?" Buffy looked at Giles, he had received a very cryptic message about something called The Judge.
Angel's head snapped up at the mention of Lucius.
"Lucius is here in Sunnydale?" Angel looked at Buffy for confirmation.
"Catch on quick dontcha? Yep, he's here and he's looking to assemble some Judge guy. You know him?"
"Knew him, yes, he wont stop until he succeeds. He's insane."
"So you're saying what? Other vampires are...sane?" Xander rolled his eyes at Angel.
"Lucius was already criminally insane when he was made, he was serving a lifetime sentence in a mental hospital when..." Angel cut himself off, damn he just dug a hole for himself.
"When...come on...spit it out." Buffy guessed what was coming.
"When I attacked him and changed him into a vampire." There it was out.
Buffy kicked the nearest chair across the room.
"You've got to be kidding me! You mean this jerk is one of yours?"
Angel looked at his feet, he couldn't face her. Now she had even more reason to be ashamed of him.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, yeah, you're sorry. We've heard it before." Buffy knew that her anger was uncalled for, Angel didn't make the vamp, Angelus did, she understood all that. She was inexplicably angry with him.
"This might actually help us Buffy. Don't be too hard on Angel." Giles didn't understand why Buffy was so mad. "As far as any vamp in this territory knows Angelus is dead, Angel could find this Lucius and pretend to be Angelus. Since Angelus is his sire, he will undoubtfully tell him his plans for the judge."
"I'll do whatever I can to help." Angel was more than ready to risk his life; he wanted to prove to these people that he was worthy of their trust.
"Sounds like a bad plan to me. What if when he get there, they know he's different. Then what? I'll tell you what you lose your slave labor Giles." Buffy felt panicked about Angel being in danger.
"I can do this Buffy, give me a chance." Angel looked at Buffy silently begging with his eyes.
Unbeknownst to the group Angel had sent the message to Giles. He had been sneaking out and gathering information on the current vampire situation in Sunnydale. He had found out about the Judge but this was the first he was hearing about Lucius.
"What do you say Giles? Do we let him lose his virgin status and let him come along...." Buffy snapped her mouth closed when she realized what she was saying.
"I think we need him Buffy, but if you're not comfortable with him then he stays behind. I don't want you to be distracted.
"I'm OK with it." Buffy made sure she kept her gaze away from Angel, for some reason she was excited that he was coming along.
"So what's the plan G-Man." Xander wondered with Angel involved where that left him. He was usually Buffy's second in command. He hoped he wasn't about to get demoted.
"I've asked you not to call me that. Buffy, you and Angel go down to the docks, if my source is correct the arm should be arriving tonight. Xander and Willow will stay here and help me look up any information on this Judge."
"I guess I'm demoted." Everyone looked at Xander in confusion.
The docks
"I'm starting to think Giles's "source" is pulling our leg." Buffy was growing impatient, she wanted action.
"They'll show I'm positive of that." Angel moved in closer to Buffy. He was standing behind her, they were completely concealed by rows of pallets.
Buffy felt Angel's chest touch her back and sucked in a sharp breath. She was starting to feel that tingling in her stomach, she unconsciously moved back closer to him. He smelled so good!
Angel heard Buffy's heart rate increase and looked down at her. She was still facing forward looking out to the docks but she was breathing erratically and her cheeks were flushed. He felt himself grow hard and pressed himself against her buttocks. He knew he shouldn't start anything, but the knowledge that she wanted him was the most potent aphrodisiac.
He traced her hip with his right hand and pushed her backward to rub against his cock. He heard her strangled gasp, but she made no move to stop him. He brought his hand under her shirt and lightly ran his fingertips against her ribcage. Her heart was thundering, that only turned him on more.
Buffy's mind screamed for her to stop him, but she was paralyzed against the sensation coursing through her body. He knew exactly how to touch her. She felt his fingers move higher and dip into her bra. He began to massage her breast but he had yet to touch her nipple. She almost snapped at him to touch her, but restrained herself. She kept looking forward but her eyes were no longer focused on the docks ahead of her.
He ran his thumb over her nipple and this time Buffy gasped out loud. He bent down to her neck and started nibbling on the smooth flesh there. While his hand played with her nipple, the other moved down between her legs. Buffy's legs buckled slightly but Angel rested her more fully against him. He started to manipulate her clit through her pants.
Buffy thought she was going out of her mind, the friction of her clothes rubbing against her was too much. She wanted him to strip her naked and do her right here, right now. She reached an arm up and brought his head down to her. Her lips fused with his and she began stroking her tongue in and out of his mouth, occasionally stopping to bite him.
Angel grinded himself rhythmically against her ass, while he increased the pace of his fingers. He heard her cry out once, and then her whole body began to shake. He placed his arm around her waist for support then softly began kissing her ear.
"You're so beautiful, you make me feel so alive." He didn't mean to say anything but the words just seemed to come out.
Buffy leaned back against him, when she heard the softly spoken words a strange feeling of contentment stole over her; she snuggled back further against him. No running away for her tonight, she wanted him, she wasn't going to deny it any longer. She might not ever be able to have a normal relationship but she could have this. Now she had to figure out a way to make Angel agree to a casual sexual relationship. She figured vampires didn't have the same type of feelings as humans, so she wouldn't be hurting him at all by using him just for sex.
Angel was quietly amazed. She wasn't running or trying to break away from him, maybe she had feelings for him! He hoped so, he definitely was starting to feel some very strong emotions for her. He had never been in love before, even when he was human. He wondered if all of these strange feelings were love. Maybe he should tell her.
"Angel, I don't know how to bring this up, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." Angel's eyes widened, did she feel the same way too? He began to smile.
"I think we should get together every so often and do it, I mean no one can know of course, but I'm really physically attracted to you and I think you are to me too. So what do you say? We meet every couple of days?" Buffy winced at her own poorly said words, but how else does someone ask a vampire to have casual sex with them. "It'll be perfect, no strings attached, for either of us."
Angel felt his happiness slide away, she didn't care at all for him just his body. What did he expect? Hearts and flowers? He didn't say anything for minute and noticed how worried she looked. He should laugh at her, tell her that an affair with a schoolgirl didn't cut it for him, but he wouldn't, he couldn't. When it came down to it he rather have something of her than nothing. He was a demon anyway, it was what he deserved.
"Sure. Sounds great. No string attached." Angel let out an unnecessary breath. The self-respect he was starting to regain crumbled to dust.
Buffy looked at him curiously. His voice sounded flat and emotionless. He had said yes, but his body language screamed no. This was every guy's dream, wasn't it? She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, he leaned into the kiss but there was no passion in it.
They both sprang apart when they heard footsteps approaching. They snapped back to patrol mode. Buffy noticed particularly ugly vamp holding a big wooden box.
"That must be the arm. Let's do it." Buffy and Angel sprang into action. Their combined attacked surprised the vamps, just like in the warehouse with Angelus, Buffy and Angel were an unstoppable team. They're fighting was totally coordinated and in no time all that was left of the vamps were piles of dust.
Buffy hefted the box onto her shoulder.
"One got away. He recognized you, by this time tomorrow it'll be all over Sunnydale that you're alive and helping the slayer. You'll be as hated as I am."
"That's alright with me. Been wanting to pound on something for months. I hope Giles doesn't take me off active duty."
"Well if he tries, I'll have to pound some sense into him. I've never had back up like that before, not even with Faith. We make quite a team." Buffy smiled at Angel. She couldn't believe how complete she felt, when she had looked over and saw him taking out vamps a feeling of pride and awe had washed over her. Here was someone who could face the darkness with her. Someone that she didn't have to worry about, he could definitely handle whatever the Hellmouth threw at him.
Angel noticed the pride in Buffy's voice. He vowed then and there no matter what happened between them personally he'd always back her up. He was going to make sure that she never had to go into battle alone again. Where she led, he would gladly follow. 3 months later
Author's Note: Willow, Buffy, Oz and Xander all are attending Sunnydale U. Cordelia is still in Sunnydale and trying to open her own boutique. Angel and Buffy are still having their secret affair.
"Do you really have to go? Can't I change your mind?" Angel came up behind Buffy and slipped his arms around her waist.
"Behave yourself. I told you earlier I made plans with Willow to hang out at the Bronze. We haven't been there since the summer. Besides, you promised to patrol for me." Buffy turned around, grabbed Angel's face and gave him a quick kiss.
"OK. But I'll be thinking about you." Angel started to pull on his own clothes. Buffy had finished classes early today and had come over to his apartment. They had spent the whole afternoon in his bed.
Buffy felt overwhelmed with guilt. She was really meeting a fellow student named Riley Finn for coffee at the Student Center. The past 3 months with Angel had been incredible. The vague unhappiness she had been feeling since she was called, as the slayer, had seemed to disappear. Angel was the answer to all her prayers; he was smart, sexy and he could fight alongside of her. When she was with him, she felt complete. Everytime they made love it got better and better, even when they didn't make love they would stay up for hours and just talk. Buffy knew she was falling irrevocably in love with him. That scared her to death.
She couldn't love a vampire. He was going to stay young forever and she was going to age. He had committed horrors against humanity, she protected humanity. The more attached she became to Angel, the more she panicked, she needed to do something to assure herself that she was still in control of this relationship. She needed to prove to herself that Angel didn't mean that much to her. That's where Riley Finn came in the picture.
Buffy had no plans of ever seeing him again after this one date, he was human after all and she wouldn't drag him into her world. But she needed to know that she could walk away from her and Angel if she had too. Now if this overwhelming guilt would just go away.
"Hey, you OK? You just spaced out." Angel ran his fingers through Buffy's hair. He loved her; he loved her wacky vocabulary, her shining spirit, and her vicious fighting techniques. She was the most incredible thing that had ever happened to him. She was his world. The day Buffy Summers no longer walked the earth, would be Angel's last day. Angel now knew why he was made. He was made to live and die beside Buffy Summers. She was his salvation.
"I'm fine, really, I just need to get back to the dorm to change."
"You look fine. Why do you need to change?"
"What's with all the questions? You're not my father." Buffy walked to the door. She knew she just over reacted but she couldn't help herself.
"Sorry. I wasn't trying to interrogate you, I just think your beautiful just the way you are." Angel didn't like the feeling he was starting to get; it reminded him of waiting for Darla in that burned out factory months ago.
Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes and turned towards the door. She knew she had to get out of here before she totally broke down and admitted what she was going to do. He was so kind and gentle with her, and this was how she was going to re-pay him.
"I'll see you tomorrow OK." Buffy practically ran out of the apartment. Angel stood staring at the open door, he knew something was going on. But what? What could Buffy be hiding from him? The past 3 months had been terrific; the only dark spot was Buffy's refusal to let anyone know about their relationship. He didn't push the issue but he wanted to shout to the world that this bright, beautiful girl was his, it hurt him that Buffy didn't want to do the same.
He couldn't blame her though, he was a demon after-all. Tonight she had been tense, when they had made love he had felt desperation in her touch. She had flipped him onto his back and had made love to him quietly and feverently. Afterward he thought he had felt tears on his shoulder. He knew something was bothering her but she wouldn't talk about it.
He hoped she wasn't second-guessing their relationship. They had come so far. If he lost Buffy now his life would have no meaning; she was his friend as well as his lover.
The Bronze - later that night
"Hey Willow." Willow jumped at the sound of her name being said and turned to see Angel.
"Angel, hi! Where have you been hiding?" Willow liked the vampire. He had saved her life about a month ago and since then they had formed a somewhat friendship. She often thought that Buffy and Angel would be a perfect couple. She never brought it up though; she knew how Buffy felt about demons.
"Angel, buddy, friend, amigo...need to ask a teensy, weensy favor." Xander had spotted Angel talking to Willow and came over to the table. Oz was playing out of town tonight, Cordelia was engrossed in starting her own business, and Buffy was on a date. Willow and Xander had decided to go out and hang just like the old days.
"I'm not talking to girls for you Xander. I told you I don't do that sort of thing." Xander had noticed Angel's effect on women and decided he would be a very advantageous friend to have. Since Cordelia wouldn't have anything to do with him, maybe he could find a temporary someone, until she came to her senses.
"I'm hurt, I'm destroyed...You would actually accuse me of something so base and... come on Angel only this one time. Please!"
"No. Where's Buffy?"
"Is something happening? Did you find something on patrol tonight?" Willow didn't want to disturb Buffy's date with Riley if it wasn't something big.
"I saw her earlier and she was acting weird. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was OK with her." Angel wanted to downplay his interest in Buffy's well being, he knew the kids had no clue about them.
For the millionth time Willow thought Angel was the perfect guy for Buffy, he was so caring yet so indestructible. But, she guessed it wasn't meant to be.
"Well, since it's nothing Hellmouthy let's not bother her. She hasn't been on a date, like in forever, even if she totally hates this guy at least she got out for awhile."
Angel didn't hear what Willow said after she mentioned Buffy was on a date. He froze and a dozen emotions started ripping through his body. Anger, betrayal, rage but most of all grief. She had been using him this whole time for sex while going on real dates with human boys. They got to take her out in public while he only saw her in the middle of the night when she crept into his apartment and bed. Her dirty, little secret. It had hurt when he had been changed and he remembered the violence and destruction Angelus had done while controlling his body. But this hurt so much more. His soul felt like it was being torn apart. Whatever blood he had in his body slowly drained from his face. He felt tears threaten and knew he had to get out of there before he totally lost control.
Willow and Xander both were looking worriedly at Angel. One minute he was fine and the next he looked well...dead. They knew Angel was technically dead, but he never looked the part. But now, he looked gray and his eyes were completely empty. It was like the person they knew as Angel had left his body.
"Angel? You OK? Did I say something wrong?" Willow reviewed what she had said, she decided that nothing she said had caused this reaction, maybe he felt something evil.
"I'm fine Willow. There's something going on, I need to give Buffy a message. Do you know where I could find her?" Angel's voice was totally devoid of emotion.
Xander and Willow exchanged frightened glances, Angel's voice sounded eerily like a robot's.
"Why don't we take you to her, I don't think Riley would appreciate you bustin' in on their date." Willow suddenly felt nervous about taking Angel to Buffy. He was OK, she sternly reminded herself. But being a witch she felt the emotions rolling off of him, there was something definitely not right with him.
Angel followed Xander and Willow. During the entire trip he never said a word.
Student Center
Buffy was having a horrible night, no matter how clever or witty Riley tried to be she couldn't stop thinking about Angel. She glanced around at the other couples laughing and dancing but her thoughts were back in Angel's apartment. She new she wasn't being fair to Riley and decided to call it a night. She had tried, she told herself, she had really tried to not love Angel but it was impossible.
'I love him. I really love him. I would die for him.'
In that moment it all became clear to Buffy. Her time as slayer will be longer than most because she would have Angel by her side. He was made for her, and she was made for him. It no longer mattered that he was a vampire and she a slayer. The aging issue no longer mattered, she knew she would never get to grow old. The time she spent on this earth would be spent with Angel. Buffy would have it no other way.
She felt like kicking herself for wasting these last three months hiding her relationship. Tomorrow she was calling a meeting and telling everyone, including Giles, that her and Angel were a couple. If they didn't like it, well, tough cookies for them! She knew she had to call a halt to this date right now, she would never lie to or betray Angel again!
"Riley I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work. You see I'm in love with someone; I just didn't realize it until now. I know that sounds lame, but it's the truth." Buffy looked over at the sandy haired jock, hoping she didn't hurt him.
"It's OK Buffy. I kind of figured there was someone else, you were a million miles away all night. I'll walk you back to your dorm. Friends?" Riley stuck out his hand.
"Friends." Buffy shook his hand grateful that he didn't make scene.
They were half way across campus when Buffy spotted Willow, Xander and Angel! Oh, my god Angel! Buffy stopped mid stride and Riley did the same, he also had noticed Buffy's friends walking toward them with another guy.
Buffy's heart was racing, she began to sweat.
'He knows I lied! He's with Willow and he knows I lied! Oh, god, I lost him. I can't lose him I just found him! What can I say to make this OK? If I were him I'd hate me for the rest of my life. Please let this be a nightmare.'
Buffy was panicking she knew there was nothing she could say to make this better. She was going to beg him to forgive her and hope he was a better person than she could ever be. She felt tears well up in her eyes.
The threesome had finally reached them and stopped. Angel stared at Buffy then stared at Riley. He had hoped that whole way here that Willow had been wrong. But the proof was standing in front of him, he could tell by the way they were walking that they had been heading back to Buffy's dorm room. Was she sleeping with this guy too? Angel felt his whole world collapse at that thought. Pain like he knew before crashed through him. He wanted to die.
"How could you?" Angel gaze bore directly into Buffy's eyes.
"Angel let me explain, it's not what you think. Just give me a chance to explain." Tears began rolling down Buffy's cheeks, she had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before, and she had put it there.
"I trusted you. Oh, I knew you didn't care the way I did. But I trusted you to at least respect me enough to be honest with me. I guess I don't deserve respect or honesty."
"That's not true! I do respect you, I..."
"Can someone please flip back to the beginning of this book! I think I'm jumping in at the end here!" Xander and Willow were totally mystified. What was going on? Angel was saying the craziest thing and Buffy was crying her eyes out. They were acting like a...COUPLE?
"Listen, man. Buffy told me she was involved I was just taking her back to her dorm. Nothing happened." Riley wanted to get out of there fast, Buffy's boyfriend looked dangerous.
"You were just taking her back to her room? So how many times have you've been there?" Angel slowly began to approach Riley, his anger was starting to spin out of control, his voice was low and menacing.
Buffy gasped at Angel's insinuation. He couldn't believe that she would sleep with someone else, could he? She noticed him stalking Riley just like a vampire would stalk his next victim.
Buffy stepped in between the two men. She grabbed Angel by the shirt and using her Slayer strength moved him backward away from Riley.
"Riley. Go home." Buffy didn't turn to look at Riley, she heard his retreating footsteps. She never broke eye contact with Angel.
"I never slept with him, I didn't have any plans to sleep with him. You are the only one I have ever slept with and the only one I ever want to sleep with. The date was over, I'm sorry I ever agreed to go. I knew half way through it that you are the only man I want to be with. I told Riley I was involved and he was just making sure I got home safely. That's all that happened. I love you." Buffy was crying at the end of her speech. She had been watching Angel's eyes looking for that familiar softening. There was none.
Angel pushed her away. He called forth the remaining shreds of his dignity and looked at the girl he loved. The girl who had ripped his heart out and gone dancing on it.
"You know I think I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. Correction the demon fell in love with you, but it's all the same to you isn't it Buff?" Buffy shook her head no, but Angel continued.
"When I first kissed you it was like a life long nightmare was finally coming to an end. There was light at the end of tunnel. You gave me hope. When you actually kissed me back I thought I was the luckiest man on earth. Isn't that funny, I actually thought I was a man." Angel gave a short bark of laughter. It sounded hollow.
"But I was never a man to you was I Buffy? You looked at me and saw a monster. A monster with a face and body you found appealing. I was good enough to fuck, as long as your friends didn't know about it, but I was never good enough to go out with in public. I admire you Buffy, I really do, I can't image what it was like touching something you found so distasteful, no wonder you were so upset early today. Let me make this easy for you, from now on I'll help you out in any way I can. I'll fight beside you, research with you and find out any information I can about vamp activity. Other than that, you're on your own. Forget where my apartment is, you're not welcome there. Forget anything that ever passed between us. I have."
Angel took once last look at the girl who would hold his heart for eternity and walked away. It took everything in him not to stop and go to her when he heard her start to cry hysterically. She had hurt him more than he ever-imagined possible, he knew she needed him now but he had nothing left to give. She had taken everything he was and turned it to dust.
Willow and Xander had stood by and watched the entire scene. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. Buffy and Angel were a couple. A secret couple, but a couple. They had apparently been together for awhile and were sleeping together! And if that wasn't astonishing enough, Angel had just caught Buffy somewhat cheating on him!
Willow was the first to snap out of her musings at the sound of Buffy's crying.
"Oh Buffy! Are you OK?" Buffy was now kneeling on the floor sobbing into her hands. Willow knelt down next to her and wrapped her arms around her. "Everything is going to be OK, just calm down."
"Will, I majorly blew it! I love him Willow, I really, really love him." Buffy couldn't talk anymore, her heart was in pieces, Angel would never forgive her. He had an eternity to get over her.
"Why didn't you tell me? I could've...done something." Willow's not sure what she could have done but she was sure she might have been able to prevent this.
"Yeah, Buffy, why didn't you tell us? We're friends, we would've stuck by you." Xander wasn't sure if he was OK with Buffy loving a dead guy, but she was a wreck right now and he wanted to be supportive. He read that in a magazine.
"Angel was right. I was too ashamed. I'm the Chosen One and here I was sleeping with the enemy. I felt as if I were betraying everyone, now I've betrayed Angel." Buffy started crying again.
"We'll get you through this Buffy. You stood by us when we screwed up with Oz and Cordelia, now it's our turn to stand by you." Willow hugged her friend to her.
"Yeah, Buffy and just you wait and see, Angel will be coming around in no time. And if he doesn't I'll knock some sense into him." Xander helped Buffy to her feet.
"For the record Buffy, we could never be ashamed of you, you're our hero." Xander draped an arm around Buffy and Willow encircled her waist. They walked Buffy back to her dorm.
2 weeks later - Museum
"Hi! You ready for my report?" Buffy jumped up on the counter and started to look around.
"He's gone, if that's what you're looking for, he left about an hour ago."
Giles watched the pain cross Buffy's features. She had told him a few weeks ago about her and Angel's clandestine affair and of their break up. She stressed that it was all her fault they had gotten involved and that Angel was totally innocent. Giles hadn't approved but she was in so much pain he didn't want to add his objections to her misery. Personally, he thought that the vampire was more than a little responsible, after all he was 227 years older than Buffy.
Giles had casually mentioned the relationship, or lack thereof, to Angel a few weeks ago. He had been startled to say the least. Giles was surprised at the amount of pain he saw reflected in Angel's eyes. At that moment Giles realized that Angel was more human than demon. No demon would ever be able to comprehend or feel the level of misery Angel was currently feeling. He told Angel although he didn't approve, he did not blame or hate Angel and things would go on as they had been. Angel had looked so pathetically grateful; Giles began to see that he was Angel's last friend. With his and Buffy's split, Giles was all the vampire had left.
Buffy had started to come in at night's to give her reports instead of calling. Giles knew what she was up to but vowed to stay out of their problems. He had no clue what to do in these situations, hence his own miserable personal life. So far, she hadn't run into Angel.
"I don't know what or who you are referring to, I'm just your everyday slayer faithfully giving her Watcher her evening report."
"Well, yes, whatever you say. What is your report?" Giles looked expectantly at Buffy.
"Welllll, there were vampires and I killed them. Then there was a lot of walking around, which I didn't like at all. Can you please talk to my mom about buying me a car?"
"So nothing unusually occurred." Giles ignored Buffy's last plea.
"Giles, did you happen to see my keys? I think I might have lost...." Angel's stopped speaking when he saw that Buffy was in the museum office. He had misplaced his keys and had come back to look for them.
"Oh, I wasn't aware you had company. I'll look for my keys then leave." He purposely avoided looking directly at Buffy. Since their break up he had been miserable, he knew if he looked at her his resolve to stay away might start to crumble. He made his way to the back where he usually worked.
"Hi Angel." Buffy nervously jumped down from the counter and started toward Angel.
"Hey" Angel quickly made his way back to his workstation. He turned to ask Giles a question but noticed the Watcher had fled to his office and shut the door.
"Maybe I can help you find..." Buffy jumped when Angel spun around to face her.
"I don't need any help. I'm a vampire not a moron I can find a set of keys. Leave me alone." Angel whirled back around and focused on the desk in front of him, if he looked at her any longer he would give into the impulse to touch her. He heard a choked sound then footsteps quickly retreating. He hung his head, she was gone.
"I've trained to be a Watcher all my life, I studied countless demons and closely examined human behavior." Giles had come out of his office in time to see Buffy run from the museum, tears coursing down her cheeks. He had guessed what preceded that event.
Angel stared numbly at the Watcher wondering why Giles was going over his resume now of all times.
"But the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the unwillingness to forgive the people we cherish most. Most of us forgive just about anything if someone we aren't close to commits it or someone we don't know at all. Let's say for example a vampire whose committed atrocities towards humanity regains his humanity and learns to care about his past actions. The people around him forgive him because they don't know him that well yet, they decide he's worth a second chance because he's genuinely sorry. But if now that same vampire after befriending said people betrays their trust, well those same benevolent souls that once forgave him would condemn him for eternity."
Angel kept his eyes focused on Giles, he knew the Watcher hadn't totally made his point yet.
"Human nature is a tricky thing at best, some people manage to rise above their own prejudices and hurts to see the greater good, others wallow in their misery and lash out at anyone who get too close. Take for instance a scared 15 year old girl who's told she alone can save humanity and must give up every hope and dream she ever had. Train her every day to fight and kill demons, drill her incessantly on responsibility and duty and never let her forget that vampires are her enemies."
"Now what do you think would happen if let's say, for arguments sake, that same girl falls in love with the thing she's been programmed to hate?" Giles looked at Angel clenching and unclenching his hands. He hoped his speech had made some impact on him.
Angel looked up at Giles with tortured eyes. He knew he was right, Buffy had risen above her own ingrained sense of hate for vampires and fell in love with him but being human she had hit some stumbling blocks.
"When I saw that boy with Buffy I wanted to kill her, correction, I wanted to kill her, him and myself. I never felt pain like that before and it scares me to death that one person can cause me that much pain. I never want to feel that again."
Giles didn't say anything, he knew Angel was fighting an internal battle.
"But not being with her causes me so much more pain. I feel like I'm damned either way." Angel began to pace the museum.
"What if she feels confused again? What then? Can I go through this all over again?" He looked to Giles.
"Loving someone means trusting them. If you don't trust Buffy with your heart, then I suggest you never approach her again." Giles held his breath.
"I need her." Angel looked up at the ceiling hoping that someone would miraculously tell him the right thing to do.
"I'm afraid to be hurt again, but I'm more afraid of never holding her again. I'm confused."
"Welcome to humanity Angel. Isn't it lovely." Giles walked back into the office knowing Angel had to figure this out for himself.
Buffy walked slowly home kicking pebble out of her way as she went, she was in no rush to get back to the dorm she knew Oz was most likely still there with Willow. She didn't want to see them all happy together.
*Way to screw things up Buff, you hope and pray for someone strong enough to survive in your world and when you get him, what do you do? You cheat on him. Great Buff, I wonder if they give out loser awards? You would be a shoe in for the "Most NOT deserving of a boyfriend" category. *
Buffy sensed a vampire behind her and gave a deep sigh. She was so not in the mood.
"Alright, just hold on, give me a minute to look properly frightened." Buffy turned with a stake in her hand and was stunned to see Angel standing there.
"Is that your frightened face? It looks remarkably like your surprised one." Angel wasn't sure at what type of reception he would receive after his behavior in the museum.
"It throws them off. What are you doing here?" Buffy felt her heartbeat increase. *Oh God let him be looking for me...*
"Looking for you. We need to talk." Angel took a step closer to Buffy.
Buffy tensed when he got closer, she briefly closed her eyes and was startled to feel Angel's hand under her chin slightly lifting her face.
"I love you..."
"Oh God Angel, I love you so much. I'll never do anything stupid again..." Buffy was so happy she couldn't control the words tumbling from her mouth.
"Yes you will." Angel cut her off.
"We both will, I'll make mistakes and hopefully you'll forgive me. You'll make mistakes, though not he same one I hope, and I'll forgive you. It's all part of being human and being in love. But more important than loving you is I trust you. I trust you with my life and my heart. I know you wouldn't willingly betray either one."
"I wont Angel. I promise and I've been known to keep my promises. I'm sorry for what I did; it just didn't seem possible for me, the Slayer, to be in love with a vampire. I've seen so much Angel. I couldn't make sense of the fact that the things I hunt are the same as the man I love." Buffy tried to put her feeling in words, she wanted Angel to know that it wasn't attraction to anyone else that caused her to stray, it was confusion.
"A very wise man pointed that out already. I'm sorry I didn't hear you out. I was wrong for how I treated you back there.." Angel stopped when Buffy put her fingertips to his lips.
"No more. I love you, you love me and forgive me. Let's move on from this place Angel."
Angel bent his head and kissed her, Buffy kissed him back with all the passion in her soul.
"This wont be easy." Angel looked deeply into her eyes.
"I know but nothing worth having ever is. Walk me home?"
Angel put his arm around his girlfriend knowing that this was only the beginning of their struggle.
THE END
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Angel and crew belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. No infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and I do not intend to profit by it.
PREFACE: This story takes place in my own Universe where the gypsies never caught or cursed Angelus. He was never Angel, and was not in Sunnydale when Buffy Summers arrived. Everything that has happened in all eps. Up to Season 3, except for any Angel stories, has happened in my Universe. Oz and Willow are together. Xander and Cordelia are not together but have a temporary truce. Wesley is here, but will only be mentioned. Faith also exists but will only have minor parts. This story was inspired by a thought I had while watching "Enemies", what if Angelus existed first for Buffy then he got his soul back (by Jenny (yes she's alive), Giles, Amy and Willow) and became Angel.
This is meant to be a saga and will have many chapters. I am a B/A fan and eventually we'll see these two get together.
читать дальшеPart 9
One month later
Buffy stood outside the Bronze looking in through the window, she spotted Willow up by the band talking to Oz. Xander was on the dance floor doing his usual geek dance with, 'surprise, surprise', Cordelia. Cordelia was acting like she was trying to get away but Buffy noticed that she was trying not to laugh at Xander's antics. Besides if she really wanted to get away she could, just like if she really wanted to leave Sunnydale she would have left after Graduation, but lo and behold, Cordelia Chase was still in Sunnydale and dancing with Xander Harris. And people thought she was the screwed up one!
Willow had talked Buffy into coming out tonight. Usually, after patrol she just went home and phoned in her report to Giles. She was getting into her slaying more than ever these days, sometimes that scared her. Lately, after a particularly vicious kill she felt energized like she could take on a dozen more then climb Mt. Everest. She wondered if that was how Faith had felt, invincible, totally in tune with her own body and the forces of nature around her.
She knew all this dedication was starting to concern her friends especially since she didn't talk about it with them, she felt like they wouldn't understand. How could they understand the satisfaction of the kill? No normal human would ever understand. Not that she was becoming Psycho Girl or anything, or at least she hoped she wasn't.
She had phoned in her report to Giles earlier, her watcher asked her all the right questions but she could tell he was distracted. Buffy knew that Giles was taking care of Angel. He would drill the vampire for hours every night on every little vampire mythos. He had also helped the vampire settle into his new lair, though he wouldn't tell anyone where it was, he decided that Angel was to be used for information only. He wasn't sure what the heat of battle would bring out in Angel. Between training Buffy everyday and gathering information with Angel every night her watcher was exhausted.
Buffy had offered to research with Angel in his stead, but he firmly rejected the idea. He felt it was best if Angel had no contact with her or any of the others. Buffy knew despite himself Giles was impressed with Angel, he would start at least 5 statements a day with 'Angel said....'. Nothing excited Giles more than an untapped wealth of demon knowledge. Nothing but Jenny that is.
Buffy had filed away her bizarre reaction to Angel way back in the part of her brain marked "Don't ever go there! Ever!". She hadn't seen him in a month and had no desire to, whatever those strange feelings were they were totally gone now. She didn't hate the vampire, Giles had told her of the torment he was suffering, but she didn't want to be all chummy with him either.
She sighed and went to walk into the Bronze, then stopped. She really didn't want to go in there. She looked again at Willow and Oz kissing and Xander, Amy and Cordelia sitting at a table talking, she felt so much older than them. They had such normal lives, well semi-normal anyway, she sometimes envied them so much!
Buffy wondered where all these gloomy thoughts and feelings were coming from. She had come to terms with her destiny a long time age. She didn't want to be anything but the Slayer. So why did she suddenly feel like something was missing? Why did watching her friends be normal, hormonal teens depress her? She wearily shook head and began walking away from the Bronze.
"Star light, Star bright, grant the wish I wish tonight.... I wish I may, I wish with might...grant the wish I wish tonight." Buffy looked up at the sky while she chanted the old rhyme she barely remembered from her childhood. She didn't know what possessed her do that. She had decided to cut through the park on her way home, she had sat down on the merry-go-round and was looking up the sky when she spotted the brightest star in the sky. The rhyme had popped out of her mouth before she even finished the thought to say it out loud. She didn't have an actual wish though; she finished the rhyme and stayed staring at the star.
'What do I want? What do I want with all my heart?' Buffy couldn't see deep inside herself enough to answer that question. She let out a breath and looked down. She stood up to go home.
(THE STAR ABOVE BUFFY'S HEAD SUDDENLY GLOWED INTENSLY THEN WENT DARK, ONCE A WISH WAS GRANTED THE STAR BURNT OUT.)
"Who's there? I'm not in the mood to play games, or actually I am." Buffy sensed the vampire but had yet to pinpoint its exact location.
"It's only me." Angel walked out of the shadows hesitantly; he was on his way back from the museum when he spotted Buffy. He knew he should've kept on going, but he had stopped to watch her for awhile. Now it was too late to run, she had sensed him. He was almost positive she wouldn't hurt him, he was an ally now. He hoped his reasoning proved true.
"Me? Who's me? Oh...Angel, what are you doing out?" Buffy was startled to see Angel, but then her voice grew suspicious.
"Giles tells me you don't leave your place after midnight. Was he wrong?"
"Things ran late at the museum tonight, I'm on my way back home now." Angel answered defensively. She had no right to interrogate him! He wasn't doing anything wrong!
"Should I be jealous or just shocked, you and Giles seem pretty tight these days. You get more quality time with him than I do." Buffy knew she was being petty but Giles was like a father to her, she lost one dad she hated to share Giles.
"I'm going to pretend that I don't know what your insinuating, but if my working with Giles bothers you that much than maybe you should mention it to him." Angel moved to walk past her.
"Oh, you know perfectly well what I'm insinuating! I caught your act with Darla and the poor kid she brought back to the mansion a few months ago. Is that the way you like it?!" Buffy was shocked at herself, she knew she was in a strange mood but this was definitely a darker side of herself. She didn't like it. She wished she could make it go away, but this side had been growing in her for weeks now.
Angel stopped in his tracks, images of Darla and a blonde boy flashed through his head. He knew now what Buffy suspected him of. The demon was into all kinds of things, but not boys. Angel wasn't either. A part of Angel wanted to laugh at Buffy's naivete, she never even suspected a man and a women might want to do it that way. He knew if he laughed, she would kill him. But he was angry, angry at Darla, angry at fate angry at the superior little girl who wanted to rub his nose in his fate. All because she was jealous of her watcher! Angel was suddenly angry that she even had feelings for her watcher.
"Well Buffy, that's only one way I like it. But why talk about my likes, when I could show you."
Buffy tensed when he started to speak, he sounded so much like Angelus! But when she looked in his eyes, she knew she was dealing with Angel. She saw him coming for her, but she was rooted to the spot. That part of her that she had been trying to tamp down sprung to life.
Angel reached Buffy and was surprised that she didn't whip out a stake and kill him. Instead she was standing there watching him with...lust? Was it lust that he was seeing? He suddenly didn't care, all he cared about was touching this blonde girl with big blue eyes and a tiny, perfect body.
Angel wrapped an arm about her waist and lifted her lips level with his, he glanced in her eyes once more to make sure she was willing. She was. He brought his head down and kissed her like a starving man. 'She tasted so good!'. That was Angel's last coherent thought.
Buffy couldn't believe that a vampire could actually kiss like this, his kiss worshiped her mouth, she never felt anything like it before. His tongue began sliding in and out of her mouth and she clutched his shoulders, she opened her mouth wider and began to involuntarily moan. She had to have him, she didn't care what he was, what she was, or the fact that they were in a public park.
Angel was so hard he was in physical pain, he couldn't remember ever being turned on this much with just a kiss. He trailed his hand down her throat and slid it over her right breast. He heard her moan louder as she pushed herself further into his hand. Buffy began to walk forward, Angel couldn't see where she was leading him, but if she chose to lead him to the entrance of hell, at this moment he would happily go. He felt the edge of the merry-go-round behind his knees and sat down; Buffy wasted no time in straddling him.
Angel's hand landed on her left thigh and began to slide upward under her skirt. Just as he reached her panties he glanced up at her and murmured, "OK?"
"Just do it." Buffy couldn't get enough of his touch; she didn't want his consideration just then.
Angel slid his finger under the edge of her panties and found her. She was so wet she soaked his entire hand. He had been with A LOT of women before, but no one had ever felt as good as Buffy did! She began to move her hips and moan into his mouth. He slid in another finger and began to rotate her clit with his thumb.
Buffy felt as thought something inside of her was getting wound tighter and tighter. She was almost afraid of the intense feelings she knew where about to explode. She was getting closer, her stomach and thighs tightened and her vaginal walls tightened around Angel's fingers.
**Oh, God...Oh, God. Don't let this ever stop...please..**
Suddenly the explosion came, her body starting to shake and she began clenching rhythmically around Angel's fingers.
Buffy leaned her forehead on Angel's neck for a minute, while she catched her breath.
"That was incredible! Where'd you learn to do that? Wait...don't answer that."
Angel couldn't help but smile, he knew he shouldn't be this content so soon after his change. By rights he should be spending every waking moment in torment. But he couldn't seem to call forth all his guilt at the moment. Buffy was one of those rare people whose presence alone brought happiness to those around her. He felt her lift herself up and thought she was getting off of him. He was wrong.
Buffy wasn't done yet. She wanted to know what all the girls whispered about in the girl's bathroom back High School. This could be her only chance and she wasn't going to walk away from it. She was destined to die young; she wasn't about to lose this opportunity. She began fumbling with Angel's belt buckle.
"Are you sure?" Angel didn't know if this was such a good idea. She had given him enough. "Stop being such a goody-goody. I'm eighteen years old! I'm sure, I'm positive, I'm 100%!"
"In that case." Angel brushed her hands away and undid his pants. He pushed them down to his knees and positioned her over him. He pushed up her short tank top and began sucking on her right tit. By her comments he assumed she'd done this before, so his hesitation vanished.
Buffy felt Angel lift her slightly and position her over his cock. She was pissed she hadn't gotten a good look at it. He slid his fingers through her lower lips and opened her up to his invasion. She felt the head of cock start to enter her and panicked slightly.
**He's too big, this is never going to work!**
"Uh...Angel...stop a minute..." Buffy pulled his head away from her breast. "There's something you should know..."
"Stop? No, way sweetheart. You wanted it fast, I live to please." Angel thought she was playing some sort of game, he wasn't in the mood for games. He grabbed her hips and brought her down hard while thrusting his hips up. Buffy screamed. Too late Angel felt himself tearing through the membrane that was her virginity!
Buffy couldn't believe how much it hurt. Sure she was the slayer but she still felt pain. She felt as though she was impaled on a cold sword. Tears came to her eyes and she buried her face in his shoulder. She wanted to go home now! She had enough; she just wanted this to be over. She tried to get off his lap.
Angel felt tears on his shoulder and mentally cursed himself. He should've known, he was 245 years old, he should've sensed she was a virgin! But, she didn't say anything dammit! She came onto him! She acted like she knew what she wanted, how could he be so blind! He was angry at both himself and Buffy. He had enough guilt to deal with, how dare she give him more. He felt her start to move and knew she was trying to leave. He couldn't let her first time end like this.
"Just give it minute, it won't hurt so much if you stay still." Angel hoped she didn't put up a fight.
"Are you sure? This really hurts, why does anybody do this?"
Angel put his hand under her chin and forced her head up he looked into her big, tear-stained eyes and felt a gentleness spread through area where once his human heart used to beat. He kissed her eyes, then her cheeks, his lips moved to hers and he kissed her softly.
"Maybe I can change your opinion. What do you say, let me try?"
Buffy had never heard Angel's voice be so gentle before, it was low and incredibly sexy, she would let him do anything if he asked in that voice. She hesitantly nodded her head.
Angel smiled and began kissing her in earnest. He trailed his kissed down her throat to her nipple, as alternately sucked her nipples his hand made its way down to where they met. He found her clit and began to trace light circles around it, ever so often he would press down hard then go back to his light petting.
Buffy was once again dragged into the haziness of desire. Her body was on fire, she began tentatively to move her hips and was rewarded by a muffled groan from Angel. She felt Angel's hands move to her hips and he began moving her up and down on his cock. She clung to his shoulders and held on, that tight, intense feeling was building in her stomach again, but this time she welcomed it.
Angel couldn't believe how incredible she felt. She was so tight, wet and hot. Nothing had ever felt so good! He could feel her starting to build and knew he was close also, he began thrusting up into her while moving her up and down his body.
Buffy looked down at Angel. His head was thrown back and his eyes were closed. The expression on his face was one of extreme pleasure or pain. She wasn't sure which one. A sense of power stole through her, that she an eighteen year old schoolgirl could reduce a 245 demon to this! It was more satisfying than rush of satisfaction she got after a slaying. Her body exploded at that thought, then all coherent thoughts fled.
Angel was on edge, her orgasm was milking his body. The contractions of her vaginal walls around his cock were too much. He slammed her down one more time and came. Hard. He felt his face changing and cursed himself, but he couldn't stop the change.
Buffy looked down at the demon and mentally kicked herself.
**What the fuck have I done!**
She quickly got up and adjusted her clothes. When she turned back to Angel she was relieved to find that he had also fixed his clothes and his face was human again.
"Buffy don't run off, we should talk." Angel knew he had scared her and he didn't want her to associate fear with her first time. What the hell was he thinking anyway! He had just screwed an eighteen-year-old girl who happened to be the Slayer! He had almost convinced himself that he and his demon were two separate entities, now he had doubts. How much control did he really have over his evil self? Not much, the last hour proved that. Then another thought struck him, one scarier than the demon still having some control. What if the demon had nothing to do with this, what if this was his human side's doing? She was only eighteen and a virgin, he should know better.
"Talk? About what? I don't think there's anything to talk about...we met up briefly on our way home then went our separate ways. See, there's nothing to talk about. NOTHING!" She knew she was babbling but couldn't deal with him right now.
**What if he wants a relationship?** That thought turned her to ice. She couldn't bear looking up after making love and seeing a demon looming over her. She knew she wasn't being fair, but she was panicking.
"Oh...Ok...so that'd the way it's going to be?" Angel knew he shouldn't feel disappointed or angry. He should be relieved that she was going to pretend it never happened. But he could sense that she was ashamed of what she did, and it angered him. If he had been a normal guy, he knew she would be looking for a wedding dress right about now. But since he was a filthy, creature of the night, he was something to be ashamed of. He knew she had every reason to feel that way. But the part of him that remembered being human so well died a little more when it realized he wasn't fit to touch a human girl.
"Yeah, that's the way it has to be. You're not going to say anything are you? I mean to Giles?" Buffy had her back turned and missed the pain and anger that flashed across his face.
"No, I won't say anything. I'm not like your little human boys; I don't need to brag about it. Besides, it's not like I haven't been there before." Angel wanted to kick himself when she whirled around at his words pain briefly flared in her eyes, then they went blank. He didn't know where that last statement came from, but he hated himself for saying it.
"That's right, you're an old pro." Buffy stressed the word old. She turned away and began to walk home.
**This never happened, this never happened, this never happened..** She hoped that if she thought it enough it would come true.
Angel watched her go he never expected tonight to end up like this. He had to admit that if he had a chance to change things, he wouldn't. He thought about the tight feel of her and...he stopped his thoughts there. It was never going to happen again so why torture himself with the memories. But for a brief moment when Buffy was moving on top of him, he had felt alive, really alive and wanted. He didn't realize until tonight his desire to be loved and accepted. **Well, that will never happen with Buffy, she made her feelings perfectly clear.**
Angel sighed and turned to walk home. He remembered now what sunshine felt like, it would be a long time before he forgot again.
The museum 2 weeks later
Angel looked at the pile of books still on the table and sighed. When he had offered to help Giles file away some new books that had just been flown in from the council, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Case after case of books began to arrive and Giles gleefully handed them over to Angel. Angel first had to separate them by category then file them away in the appropriate spot.
It was mind numbing work but he didn't really mind. It gave him something to do every night. Giles still felt strongly about him not patrolling or helping with anything other than research. Angel tried to assure Giles that he would be Ok in a fight, but didn't push the issue. He owed Giles and he didn't want to disappoint him. If Giles ever found out about him and Buffy, he would lose his only friend.
Buffy. He tried not to think about the park a few weeks ago but his mind always seemed to stray to her. Even when he was successful in not thinking about her, she would appear in his dreams. He hadn't seen her since then; the only way he knew what was going on with her was through Giles. Giles couldn't help but to go on and on about Buffy, his pride in her was evident. He loved her like a daughter even though he tried to deny it. If he ever did run into her again he would make sure that nothing ever happened.
"I'm telling you Will, Tom and Jerry could kick Ren and Stimpy's ass any day! Those guys are like the biggest wimps ever."
Xander, Willow, Buffy and Giles all strode into the museum. Angel froze, Giles had been very careful to keep him separated from the group.
"Xander that's just moronic, Ren and Stimpy use advance animation graphics that would leave Tom and Jerry's head spinning...oh, Angel, hi!" Willow cut off her argument with Xander when she saw the handsome vampire standing there with a book in his hand.
"I see Giles decided to make a slave outta you! Better you than me buddy!" Xander playfully slapped Angel on the shoulder and sat down. He trusted Giles and if Giles said Angel was OK, then he was OK with Angel. For now anyway.
Buffy froze, she figured Angel would be here but she thought she could keep her cool. At least she hoped she could, since the night in the park she had been plagued with very erotic dreams. She both hated and loved going to sleep at night.
"Angel I hope you don't mind the disturbance we have a situation and needed a safe place to discuss our course of action." Giles looked at the book in Angel's hand "Blood Rituals", he noticed Angel putting it in a pile marked "Wicca".
"Shouldn't that go into your vampire category?"
"No, this book details the wicca's belief that their powers can be made stronger during their menstrual cycle."
"Yes, well...ah back to the matter at hand. Angel you're welcome to stay." Giles was extremely uncomfortable with Angel's explanation, he wondered how the vampire stayed so cool, nothing ever seemed to phase him.
"Will." Xander looked over at his best bud. "Never tell me."
Willow blushed a deep red. Buffy couldn't help but smile at her best friend's exchange.
"This Lucius, do you really think he has the arm? It wouldn't be the first time we got faulty info, are you sure you're source was right?" Buffy looked at Giles, he had received a very cryptic message about something called The Judge.
Angel's head snapped up at the mention of Lucius.
"Lucius is here in Sunnydale?" Angel looked at Buffy for confirmation.
"Catch on quick dontcha? Yep, he's here and he's looking to assemble some Judge guy. You know him?"
"Knew him, yes, he wont stop until he succeeds. He's insane."
"So you're saying what? Other vampires are...sane?" Xander rolled his eyes at Angel.
"Lucius was already criminally insane when he was made, he was serving a lifetime sentence in a mental hospital when..." Angel cut himself off, damn he just dug a hole for himself.
"When...come on...spit it out." Buffy guessed what was coming.
"When I attacked him and changed him into a vampire." There it was out.
Buffy kicked the nearest chair across the room.
"You've got to be kidding me! You mean this jerk is one of yours?"
Angel looked at his feet, he couldn't face her. Now she had even more reason to be ashamed of him.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, yeah, you're sorry. We've heard it before." Buffy knew that her anger was uncalled for, Angel didn't make the vamp, Angelus did, she understood all that. She was inexplicably angry with him.
"This might actually help us Buffy. Don't be too hard on Angel." Giles didn't understand why Buffy was so mad. "As far as any vamp in this territory knows Angelus is dead, Angel could find this Lucius and pretend to be Angelus. Since Angelus is his sire, he will undoubtfully tell him his plans for the judge."
"I'll do whatever I can to help." Angel was more than ready to risk his life; he wanted to prove to these people that he was worthy of their trust.
"Sounds like a bad plan to me. What if when he get there, they know he's different. Then what? I'll tell you what you lose your slave labor Giles." Buffy felt panicked about Angel being in danger.
"I can do this Buffy, give me a chance." Angel looked at Buffy silently begging with his eyes.
Unbeknownst to the group Angel had sent the message to Giles. He had been sneaking out and gathering information on the current vampire situation in Sunnydale. He had found out about the Judge but this was the first he was hearing about Lucius.
"What do you say Giles? Do we let him lose his virgin status and let him come along...." Buffy snapped her mouth closed when she realized what she was saying.
"I think we need him Buffy, but if you're not comfortable with him then he stays behind. I don't want you to be distracted.
"I'm OK with it." Buffy made sure she kept her gaze away from Angel, for some reason she was excited that he was coming along.
"So what's the plan G-Man." Xander wondered with Angel involved where that left him. He was usually Buffy's second in command. He hoped he wasn't about to get demoted.
"I've asked you not to call me that. Buffy, you and Angel go down to the docks, if my source is correct the arm should be arriving tonight. Xander and Willow will stay here and help me look up any information on this Judge."
"I guess I'm demoted." Everyone looked at Xander in confusion.
The docks
"I'm starting to think Giles's "source" is pulling our leg." Buffy was growing impatient, she wanted action.
"They'll show I'm positive of that." Angel moved in closer to Buffy. He was standing behind her, they were completely concealed by rows of pallets.
Buffy felt Angel's chest touch her back and sucked in a sharp breath. She was starting to feel that tingling in her stomach, she unconsciously moved back closer to him. He smelled so good!
Angel heard Buffy's heart rate increase and looked down at her. She was still facing forward looking out to the docks but she was breathing erratically and her cheeks were flushed. He felt himself grow hard and pressed himself against her buttocks. He knew he shouldn't start anything, but the knowledge that she wanted him was the most potent aphrodisiac.
He traced her hip with his right hand and pushed her backward to rub against his cock. He heard her strangled gasp, but she made no move to stop him. He brought his hand under her shirt and lightly ran his fingertips against her ribcage. Her heart was thundering, that only turned him on more.
Buffy's mind screamed for her to stop him, but she was paralyzed against the sensation coursing through her body. He knew exactly how to touch her. She felt his fingers move higher and dip into her bra. He began to massage her breast but he had yet to touch her nipple. She almost snapped at him to touch her, but restrained herself. She kept looking forward but her eyes were no longer focused on the docks ahead of her.
He ran his thumb over her nipple and this time Buffy gasped out loud. He bent down to her neck and started nibbling on the smooth flesh there. While his hand played with her nipple, the other moved down between her legs. Buffy's legs buckled slightly but Angel rested her more fully against him. He started to manipulate her clit through her pants.
Buffy thought she was going out of her mind, the friction of her clothes rubbing against her was too much. She wanted him to strip her naked and do her right here, right now. She reached an arm up and brought his head down to her. Her lips fused with his and she began stroking her tongue in and out of his mouth, occasionally stopping to bite him.
Angel grinded himself rhythmically against her ass, while he increased the pace of his fingers. He heard her cry out once, and then her whole body began to shake. He placed his arm around her waist for support then softly began kissing her ear.
"You're so beautiful, you make me feel so alive." He didn't mean to say anything but the words just seemed to come out.
Buffy leaned back against him, when she heard the softly spoken words a strange feeling of contentment stole over her; she snuggled back further against him. No running away for her tonight, she wanted him, she wasn't going to deny it any longer. She might not ever be able to have a normal relationship but she could have this. Now she had to figure out a way to make Angel agree to a casual sexual relationship. She figured vampires didn't have the same type of feelings as humans, so she wouldn't be hurting him at all by using him just for sex.
Angel was quietly amazed. She wasn't running or trying to break away from him, maybe she had feelings for him! He hoped so, he definitely was starting to feel some very strong emotions for her. He had never been in love before, even when he was human. He wondered if all of these strange feelings were love. Maybe he should tell her.
"Angel, I don't know how to bring this up, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." Angel's eyes widened, did she feel the same way too? He began to smile.
"I think we should get together every so often and do it, I mean no one can know of course, but I'm really physically attracted to you and I think you are to me too. So what do you say? We meet every couple of days?" Buffy winced at her own poorly said words, but how else does someone ask a vampire to have casual sex with them. "It'll be perfect, no strings attached, for either of us."
Angel felt his happiness slide away, she didn't care at all for him just his body. What did he expect? Hearts and flowers? He didn't say anything for minute and noticed how worried she looked. He should laugh at her, tell her that an affair with a schoolgirl didn't cut it for him, but he wouldn't, he couldn't. When it came down to it he rather have something of her than nothing. He was a demon anyway, it was what he deserved.
"Sure. Sounds great. No string attached." Angel let out an unnecessary breath. The self-respect he was starting to regain crumbled to dust.
Buffy looked at him curiously. His voice sounded flat and emotionless. He had said yes, but his body language screamed no. This was every guy's dream, wasn't it? She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, he leaned into the kiss but there was no passion in it.
They both sprang apart when they heard footsteps approaching. They snapped back to patrol mode. Buffy noticed particularly ugly vamp holding a big wooden box.
"That must be the arm. Let's do it." Buffy and Angel sprang into action. Their combined attacked surprised the vamps, just like in the warehouse with Angelus, Buffy and Angel were an unstoppable team. They're fighting was totally coordinated and in no time all that was left of the vamps were piles of dust.
Buffy hefted the box onto her shoulder.
"One got away. He recognized you, by this time tomorrow it'll be all over Sunnydale that you're alive and helping the slayer. You'll be as hated as I am."
"That's alright with me. Been wanting to pound on something for months. I hope Giles doesn't take me off active duty."
"Well if he tries, I'll have to pound some sense into him. I've never had back up like that before, not even with Faith. We make quite a team." Buffy smiled at Angel. She couldn't believe how complete she felt, when she had looked over and saw him taking out vamps a feeling of pride and awe had washed over her. Here was someone who could face the darkness with her. Someone that she didn't have to worry about, he could definitely handle whatever the Hellmouth threw at him.
Angel noticed the pride in Buffy's voice. He vowed then and there no matter what happened between them personally he'd always back her up. He was going to make sure that she never had to go into battle alone again. Where she led, he would gladly follow. 3 months later
Author's Note: Willow, Buffy, Oz and Xander all are attending Sunnydale U. Cordelia is still in Sunnydale and trying to open her own boutique. Angel and Buffy are still having their secret affair.
"Do you really have to go? Can't I change your mind?" Angel came up behind Buffy and slipped his arms around her waist.
"Behave yourself. I told you earlier I made plans with Willow to hang out at the Bronze. We haven't been there since the summer. Besides, you promised to patrol for me." Buffy turned around, grabbed Angel's face and gave him a quick kiss.
"OK. But I'll be thinking about you." Angel started to pull on his own clothes. Buffy had finished classes early today and had come over to his apartment. They had spent the whole afternoon in his bed.
Buffy felt overwhelmed with guilt. She was really meeting a fellow student named Riley Finn for coffee at the Student Center. The past 3 months with Angel had been incredible. The vague unhappiness she had been feeling since she was called, as the slayer, had seemed to disappear. Angel was the answer to all her prayers; he was smart, sexy and he could fight alongside of her. When she was with him, she felt complete. Everytime they made love it got better and better, even when they didn't make love they would stay up for hours and just talk. Buffy knew she was falling irrevocably in love with him. That scared her to death.
She couldn't love a vampire. He was going to stay young forever and she was going to age. He had committed horrors against humanity, she protected humanity. The more attached she became to Angel, the more she panicked, she needed to do something to assure herself that she was still in control of this relationship. She needed to prove to herself that Angel didn't mean that much to her. That's where Riley Finn came in the picture.
Buffy had no plans of ever seeing him again after this one date, he was human after all and she wouldn't drag him into her world. But she needed to know that she could walk away from her and Angel if she had too. Now if this overwhelming guilt would just go away.
"Hey, you OK? You just spaced out." Angel ran his fingers through Buffy's hair. He loved her; he loved her wacky vocabulary, her shining spirit, and her vicious fighting techniques. She was the most incredible thing that had ever happened to him. She was his world. The day Buffy Summers no longer walked the earth, would be Angel's last day. Angel now knew why he was made. He was made to live and die beside Buffy Summers. She was his salvation.
"I'm fine, really, I just need to get back to the dorm to change."
"You look fine. Why do you need to change?"
"What's with all the questions? You're not my father." Buffy walked to the door. She knew she just over reacted but she couldn't help herself.
"Sorry. I wasn't trying to interrogate you, I just think your beautiful just the way you are." Angel didn't like the feeling he was starting to get; it reminded him of waiting for Darla in that burned out factory months ago.
Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes and turned towards the door. She knew she had to get out of here before she totally broke down and admitted what she was going to do. He was so kind and gentle with her, and this was how she was going to re-pay him.
"I'll see you tomorrow OK." Buffy practically ran out of the apartment. Angel stood staring at the open door, he knew something was going on. But what? What could Buffy be hiding from him? The past 3 months had been terrific; the only dark spot was Buffy's refusal to let anyone know about their relationship. He didn't push the issue but he wanted to shout to the world that this bright, beautiful girl was his, it hurt him that Buffy didn't want to do the same.
He couldn't blame her though, he was a demon after-all. Tonight she had been tense, when they had made love he had felt desperation in her touch. She had flipped him onto his back and had made love to him quietly and feverently. Afterward he thought he had felt tears on his shoulder. He knew something was bothering her but she wouldn't talk about it.
He hoped she wasn't second-guessing their relationship. They had come so far. If he lost Buffy now his life would have no meaning; she was his friend as well as his lover.
The Bronze - later that night
"Hey Willow." Willow jumped at the sound of her name being said and turned to see Angel.
"Angel, hi! Where have you been hiding?" Willow liked the vampire. He had saved her life about a month ago and since then they had formed a somewhat friendship. She often thought that Buffy and Angel would be a perfect couple. She never brought it up though; she knew how Buffy felt about demons.
"Angel, buddy, friend, amigo...need to ask a teensy, weensy favor." Xander had spotted Angel talking to Willow and came over to the table. Oz was playing out of town tonight, Cordelia was engrossed in starting her own business, and Buffy was on a date. Willow and Xander had decided to go out and hang just like the old days.
"I'm not talking to girls for you Xander. I told you I don't do that sort of thing." Xander had noticed Angel's effect on women and decided he would be a very advantageous friend to have. Since Cordelia wouldn't have anything to do with him, maybe he could find a temporary someone, until she came to her senses.
"I'm hurt, I'm destroyed...You would actually accuse me of something so base and... come on Angel only this one time. Please!"
"No. Where's Buffy?"
"Is something happening? Did you find something on patrol tonight?" Willow didn't want to disturb Buffy's date with Riley if it wasn't something big.
"I saw her earlier and she was acting weird. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was OK with her." Angel wanted to downplay his interest in Buffy's well being, he knew the kids had no clue about them.
For the millionth time Willow thought Angel was the perfect guy for Buffy, he was so caring yet so indestructible. But, she guessed it wasn't meant to be.
"Well, since it's nothing Hellmouthy let's not bother her. She hasn't been on a date, like in forever, even if she totally hates this guy at least she got out for awhile."
Angel didn't hear what Willow said after she mentioned Buffy was on a date. He froze and a dozen emotions started ripping through his body. Anger, betrayal, rage but most of all grief. She had been using him this whole time for sex while going on real dates with human boys. They got to take her out in public while he only saw her in the middle of the night when she crept into his apartment and bed. Her dirty, little secret. It had hurt when he had been changed and he remembered the violence and destruction Angelus had done while controlling his body. But this hurt so much more. His soul felt like it was being torn apart. Whatever blood he had in his body slowly drained from his face. He felt tears threaten and knew he had to get out of there before he totally lost control.
Willow and Xander both were looking worriedly at Angel. One minute he was fine and the next he looked well...dead. They knew Angel was technically dead, but he never looked the part. But now, he looked gray and his eyes were completely empty. It was like the person they knew as Angel had left his body.
"Angel? You OK? Did I say something wrong?" Willow reviewed what she had said, she decided that nothing she said had caused this reaction, maybe he felt something evil.
"I'm fine Willow. There's something going on, I need to give Buffy a message. Do you know where I could find her?" Angel's voice was totally devoid of emotion.
Xander and Willow exchanged frightened glances, Angel's voice sounded eerily like a robot's.
"Why don't we take you to her, I don't think Riley would appreciate you bustin' in on their date." Willow suddenly felt nervous about taking Angel to Buffy. He was OK, she sternly reminded herself. But being a witch she felt the emotions rolling off of him, there was something definitely not right with him.
Angel followed Xander and Willow. During the entire trip he never said a word.
Student Center
Buffy was having a horrible night, no matter how clever or witty Riley tried to be she couldn't stop thinking about Angel. She glanced around at the other couples laughing and dancing but her thoughts were back in Angel's apartment. She new she wasn't being fair to Riley and decided to call it a night. She had tried, she told herself, she had really tried to not love Angel but it was impossible.
'I love him. I really love him. I would die for him.'
In that moment it all became clear to Buffy. Her time as slayer will be longer than most because she would have Angel by her side. He was made for her, and she was made for him. It no longer mattered that he was a vampire and she a slayer. The aging issue no longer mattered, she knew she would never get to grow old. The time she spent on this earth would be spent with Angel. Buffy would have it no other way.
She felt like kicking herself for wasting these last three months hiding her relationship. Tomorrow she was calling a meeting and telling everyone, including Giles, that her and Angel were a couple. If they didn't like it, well, tough cookies for them! She knew she had to call a halt to this date right now, she would never lie to or betray Angel again!
"Riley I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work. You see I'm in love with someone; I just didn't realize it until now. I know that sounds lame, but it's the truth." Buffy looked over at the sandy haired jock, hoping she didn't hurt him.
"It's OK Buffy. I kind of figured there was someone else, you were a million miles away all night. I'll walk you back to your dorm. Friends?" Riley stuck out his hand.
"Friends." Buffy shook his hand grateful that he didn't make scene.
They were half way across campus when Buffy spotted Willow, Xander and Angel! Oh, my god Angel! Buffy stopped mid stride and Riley did the same, he also had noticed Buffy's friends walking toward them with another guy.
Buffy's heart was racing, she began to sweat.
'He knows I lied! He's with Willow and he knows I lied! Oh, god, I lost him. I can't lose him I just found him! What can I say to make this OK? If I were him I'd hate me for the rest of my life. Please let this be a nightmare.'
Buffy was panicking she knew there was nothing she could say to make this better. She was going to beg him to forgive her and hope he was a better person than she could ever be. She felt tears well up in her eyes.
The threesome had finally reached them and stopped. Angel stared at Buffy then stared at Riley. He had hoped that whole way here that Willow had been wrong. But the proof was standing in front of him, he could tell by the way they were walking that they had been heading back to Buffy's dorm room. Was she sleeping with this guy too? Angel felt his whole world collapse at that thought. Pain like he knew before crashed through him. He wanted to die.
"How could you?" Angel gaze bore directly into Buffy's eyes.
"Angel let me explain, it's not what you think. Just give me a chance to explain." Tears began rolling down Buffy's cheeks, she had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before, and she had put it there.
"I trusted you. Oh, I knew you didn't care the way I did. But I trusted you to at least respect me enough to be honest with me. I guess I don't deserve respect or honesty."
"That's not true! I do respect you, I..."
"Can someone please flip back to the beginning of this book! I think I'm jumping in at the end here!" Xander and Willow were totally mystified. What was going on? Angel was saying the craziest thing and Buffy was crying her eyes out. They were acting like a...COUPLE?
"Listen, man. Buffy told me she was involved I was just taking her back to her dorm. Nothing happened." Riley wanted to get out of there fast, Buffy's boyfriend looked dangerous.
"You were just taking her back to her room? So how many times have you've been there?" Angel slowly began to approach Riley, his anger was starting to spin out of control, his voice was low and menacing.
Buffy gasped at Angel's insinuation. He couldn't believe that she would sleep with someone else, could he? She noticed him stalking Riley just like a vampire would stalk his next victim.
Buffy stepped in between the two men. She grabbed Angel by the shirt and using her Slayer strength moved him backward away from Riley.
"Riley. Go home." Buffy didn't turn to look at Riley, she heard his retreating footsteps. She never broke eye contact with Angel.
"I never slept with him, I didn't have any plans to sleep with him. You are the only one I have ever slept with and the only one I ever want to sleep with. The date was over, I'm sorry I ever agreed to go. I knew half way through it that you are the only man I want to be with. I told Riley I was involved and he was just making sure I got home safely. That's all that happened. I love you." Buffy was crying at the end of her speech. She had been watching Angel's eyes looking for that familiar softening. There was none.
Angel pushed her away. He called forth the remaining shreds of his dignity and looked at the girl he loved. The girl who had ripped his heart out and gone dancing on it.
"You know I think I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. Correction the demon fell in love with you, but it's all the same to you isn't it Buff?" Buffy shook her head no, but Angel continued.
"When I first kissed you it was like a life long nightmare was finally coming to an end. There was light at the end of tunnel. You gave me hope. When you actually kissed me back I thought I was the luckiest man on earth. Isn't that funny, I actually thought I was a man." Angel gave a short bark of laughter. It sounded hollow.
"But I was never a man to you was I Buffy? You looked at me and saw a monster. A monster with a face and body you found appealing. I was good enough to fuck, as long as your friends didn't know about it, but I was never good enough to go out with in public. I admire you Buffy, I really do, I can't image what it was like touching something you found so distasteful, no wonder you were so upset early today. Let me make this easy for you, from now on I'll help you out in any way I can. I'll fight beside you, research with you and find out any information I can about vamp activity. Other than that, you're on your own. Forget where my apartment is, you're not welcome there. Forget anything that ever passed between us. I have."
Angel took once last look at the girl who would hold his heart for eternity and walked away. It took everything in him not to stop and go to her when he heard her start to cry hysterically. She had hurt him more than he ever-imagined possible, he knew she needed him now but he had nothing left to give. She had taken everything he was and turned it to dust.
Willow and Xander had stood by and watched the entire scene. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. Buffy and Angel were a couple. A secret couple, but a couple. They had apparently been together for awhile and were sleeping together! And if that wasn't astonishing enough, Angel had just caught Buffy somewhat cheating on him!
Willow was the first to snap out of her musings at the sound of Buffy's crying.
"Oh Buffy! Are you OK?" Buffy was now kneeling on the floor sobbing into her hands. Willow knelt down next to her and wrapped her arms around her. "Everything is going to be OK, just calm down."
"Will, I majorly blew it! I love him Willow, I really, really love him." Buffy couldn't talk anymore, her heart was in pieces, Angel would never forgive her. He had an eternity to get over her.
"Why didn't you tell me? I could've...done something." Willow's not sure what she could have done but she was sure she might have been able to prevent this.
"Yeah, Buffy, why didn't you tell us? We're friends, we would've stuck by you." Xander wasn't sure if he was OK with Buffy loving a dead guy, but she was a wreck right now and he wanted to be supportive. He read that in a magazine.
"Angel was right. I was too ashamed. I'm the Chosen One and here I was sleeping with the enemy. I felt as if I were betraying everyone, now I've betrayed Angel." Buffy started crying again.
"We'll get you through this Buffy. You stood by us when we screwed up with Oz and Cordelia, now it's our turn to stand by you." Willow hugged her friend to her.
"Yeah, Buffy and just you wait and see, Angel will be coming around in no time. And if he doesn't I'll knock some sense into him." Xander helped Buffy to her feet.
"For the record Buffy, we could never be ashamed of you, you're our hero." Xander draped an arm around Buffy and Willow encircled her waist. They walked Buffy back to her dorm.
2 weeks later - Museum
"Hi! You ready for my report?" Buffy jumped up on the counter and started to look around.
"He's gone, if that's what you're looking for, he left about an hour ago."
Giles watched the pain cross Buffy's features. She had told him a few weeks ago about her and Angel's clandestine affair and of their break up. She stressed that it was all her fault they had gotten involved and that Angel was totally innocent. Giles hadn't approved but she was in so much pain he didn't want to add his objections to her misery. Personally, he thought that the vampire was more than a little responsible, after all he was 227 years older than Buffy.
Giles had casually mentioned the relationship, or lack thereof, to Angel a few weeks ago. He had been startled to say the least. Giles was surprised at the amount of pain he saw reflected in Angel's eyes. At that moment Giles realized that Angel was more human than demon. No demon would ever be able to comprehend or feel the level of misery Angel was currently feeling. He told Angel although he didn't approve, he did not blame or hate Angel and things would go on as they had been. Angel had looked so pathetically grateful; Giles began to see that he was Angel's last friend. With his and Buffy's split, Giles was all the vampire had left.
Buffy had started to come in at night's to give her reports instead of calling. Giles knew what she was up to but vowed to stay out of their problems. He had no clue what to do in these situations, hence his own miserable personal life. So far, she hadn't run into Angel.
"I don't know what or who you are referring to, I'm just your everyday slayer faithfully giving her Watcher her evening report."
"Well, yes, whatever you say. What is your report?" Giles looked expectantly at Buffy.
"Welllll, there were vampires and I killed them. Then there was a lot of walking around, which I didn't like at all. Can you please talk to my mom about buying me a car?"
"So nothing unusually occurred." Giles ignored Buffy's last plea.
"Giles, did you happen to see my keys? I think I might have lost...." Angel's stopped speaking when he saw that Buffy was in the museum office. He had misplaced his keys and had come back to look for them.
"Oh, I wasn't aware you had company. I'll look for my keys then leave." He purposely avoided looking directly at Buffy. Since their break up he had been miserable, he knew if he looked at her his resolve to stay away might start to crumble. He made his way to the back where he usually worked.
"Hi Angel." Buffy nervously jumped down from the counter and started toward Angel.
"Hey" Angel quickly made his way back to his workstation. He turned to ask Giles a question but noticed the Watcher had fled to his office and shut the door.
"Maybe I can help you find..." Buffy jumped when Angel spun around to face her.
"I don't need any help. I'm a vampire not a moron I can find a set of keys. Leave me alone." Angel whirled back around and focused on the desk in front of him, if he looked at her any longer he would give into the impulse to touch her. He heard a choked sound then footsteps quickly retreating. He hung his head, she was gone.
"I've trained to be a Watcher all my life, I studied countless demons and closely examined human behavior." Giles had come out of his office in time to see Buffy run from the museum, tears coursing down her cheeks. He had guessed what preceded that event.
Angel stared numbly at the Watcher wondering why Giles was going over his resume now of all times.
"But the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the unwillingness to forgive the people we cherish most. Most of us forgive just about anything if someone we aren't close to commits it or someone we don't know at all. Let's say for example a vampire whose committed atrocities towards humanity regains his humanity and learns to care about his past actions. The people around him forgive him because they don't know him that well yet, they decide he's worth a second chance because he's genuinely sorry. But if now that same vampire after befriending said people betrays their trust, well those same benevolent souls that once forgave him would condemn him for eternity."
Angel kept his eyes focused on Giles, he knew the Watcher hadn't totally made his point yet.
"Human nature is a tricky thing at best, some people manage to rise above their own prejudices and hurts to see the greater good, others wallow in their misery and lash out at anyone who get too close. Take for instance a scared 15 year old girl who's told she alone can save humanity and must give up every hope and dream she ever had. Train her every day to fight and kill demons, drill her incessantly on responsibility and duty and never let her forget that vampires are her enemies."
"Now what do you think would happen if let's say, for arguments sake, that same girl falls in love with the thing she's been programmed to hate?" Giles looked at Angel clenching and unclenching his hands. He hoped his speech had made some impact on him.
Angel looked up at Giles with tortured eyes. He knew he was right, Buffy had risen above her own ingrained sense of hate for vampires and fell in love with him but being human she had hit some stumbling blocks.
"When I saw that boy with Buffy I wanted to kill her, correction, I wanted to kill her, him and myself. I never felt pain like that before and it scares me to death that one person can cause me that much pain. I never want to feel that again."
Giles didn't say anything, he knew Angel was fighting an internal battle.
"But not being with her causes me so much more pain. I feel like I'm damned either way." Angel began to pace the museum.
"What if she feels confused again? What then? Can I go through this all over again?" He looked to Giles.
"Loving someone means trusting them. If you don't trust Buffy with your heart, then I suggest you never approach her again." Giles held his breath.
"I need her." Angel looked up at the ceiling hoping that someone would miraculously tell him the right thing to do.
"I'm afraid to be hurt again, but I'm more afraid of never holding her again. I'm confused."
"Welcome to humanity Angel. Isn't it lovely." Giles walked back into the office knowing Angel had to figure this out for himself.
Buffy walked slowly home kicking pebble out of her way as she went, she was in no rush to get back to the dorm she knew Oz was most likely still there with Willow. She didn't want to see them all happy together.
*Way to screw things up Buff, you hope and pray for someone strong enough to survive in your world and when you get him, what do you do? You cheat on him. Great Buff, I wonder if they give out loser awards? You would be a shoe in for the "Most NOT deserving of a boyfriend" category. *
Buffy sensed a vampire behind her and gave a deep sigh. She was so not in the mood.
"Alright, just hold on, give me a minute to look properly frightened." Buffy turned with a stake in her hand and was stunned to see Angel standing there.
"Is that your frightened face? It looks remarkably like your surprised one." Angel wasn't sure at what type of reception he would receive after his behavior in the museum.
"It throws them off. What are you doing here?" Buffy felt her heartbeat increase. *Oh God let him be looking for me...*
"Looking for you. We need to talk." Angel took a step closer to Buffy.
Buffy tensed when he got closer, she briefly closed her eyes and was startled to feel Angel's hand under her chin slightly lifting her face.
"I love you..."
"Oh God Angel, I love you so much. I'll never do anything stupid again..." Buffy was so happy she couldn't control the words tumbling from her mouth.
"Yes you will." Angel cut her off.
"We both will, I'll make mistakes and hopefully you'll forgive me. You'll make mistakes, though not he same one I hope, and I'll forgive you. It's all part of being human and being in love. But more important than loving you is I trust you. I trust you with my life and my heart. I know you wouldn't willingly betray either one."
"I wont Angel. I promise and I've been known to keep my promises. I'm sorry for what I did; it just didn't seem possible for me, the Slayer, to be in love with a vampire. I've seen so much Angel. I couldn't make sense of the fact that the things I hunt are the same as the man I love." Buffy tried to put her feeling in words, she wanted Angel to know that it wasn't attraction to anyone else that caused her to stray, it was confusion.
"A very wise man pointed that out already. I'm sorry I didn't hear you out. I was wrong for how I treated you back there.." Angel stopped when Buffy put her fingertips to his lips.
"No more. I love you, you love me and forgive me. Let's move on from this place Angel."
Angel bent his head and kissed her, Buffy kissed him back with all the passion in her soul.
"This wont be easy." Angel looked deeply into her eyes.
"I know but nothing worth having ever is. Walk me home?"
Angel put his arm around his girlfriend knowing that this was only the beginning of their struggle.
THE END
@темы: Buffy/Angel, Original Fic, Total AU